Alpha or Beta? Ask most men what they are and most will resoundingly claim to be an Alpha. Who really wants to be subordinate in the pecking order of our social strata? We all know the empirical perceptions out there. Alpha males are real men; they dominate and possess the characteristics to "not give a shit about what anyone thinks". If you're constantly thinking that your husband or partner is an asshole he possesses at least one of the qualifying traits of an alpha.

Realistically speaking an alpha or beta male is just an applied label. The personality traits of a man are much more nuanced and aren't so black and white. In my opinion, there is nothing "beta male" about being a provider for your family. Having what you need materially is not easy to come by in a world that is dog eat dog.  This is especially true if we are navigating the economic landscape rife with alpha males. Now on the other side, how many times have you seen the alpha male being depicted as an irresponsible deadbeat on TV? Is this what women in society find truly desirable?

I believe that men possessing both characteristics of alpha and beta, truly make us balanced and redefine being an alpha. Sometimes situations warrant an traditional alpha male response; like in the case of protecting and honoring your family in the face of adversity. In other instances, tapping into the beta side gives men the strength to explore emotions in the face of a hostile environment towards men who show their emotions. Now, I'm told this beta quality can be sexy from a woman's perspective. Yet all of these characteristics, alpha vs beta need to be judicially applied.  As much as some people in society frown upon the notion of gender roles (in classic relationships) and behaviors, at least in this case they apply. No one likes a whiny crying male. Conversely, no one finds an alpha female sexy all the time. Again this analysis appeals to the classic relationship of male and female relationships. In other forms of human pair bonding this dynamic is changed.

The solution: If you feel as though you are with a beta male provider, think again. Your beta male provider might not have a six pack, or he may not like confrontation. However, he is taking care of business by ensuring that you have what you need material. I know that might not be enough, and in those cases I know the grass looks greener on the other side where the alphas are. I would suggest that you water your own grass and cultivate the alpha in your beta. It's there where he needs you. You are his rock, his strength and you play a role in nurturing his alpha. Tell him how sexy he is when he displays alpha characteristics at the level he is capable of. Every man wants to feel like an alpha male at times just like every woman wants to be feel beautiful.

If you need more support or ideas about how to cultivate the alpha in your beta, join us in our support groups.