My addiction to oxycontin took away my self-respect

I had it all.  Sure, some people just say that but I am not kidding.  I literally had it all.  I was the proud mom of three gorgeous kids.  I had raised them for six years as a single parent following the father’s death in a car accident.  So when my own car accident happened, I did everything to keep my children from worrying.  They were having flashbacks to losing their father.

I was in the hospital for four days, thankful that none of the kids were in the car with me that evening as I ran to the store and was hit by a drunk driver.  I smiled as I looked into their eyes, filled with worry and fear.  I promised them I would get better.  Before leaving the hospital, the doctor gave me an oxycontin prescription.  I was grateful as I was still experiencing a lot of pain.

The pain seemed to be worse when I got out of the hospital as I no longer had the IV administered drugs.  I began doubling, then tripling my dosage on my own.  The more I took?  The more I needed.  Without realizing it, I was hooked.

Okay, yes, I did realize it. The oxycontin, though, made me feel good, made me forget the pain of not only the accident but the last six years without my husband.  The kids were teenagers and busy with their lives and it was easy to keep it a secret for a while.

One night they were all out and I was going stir crazy pacing back and forth needing a fix.  Suddenly I knew what to do.  I drove out to the east side of town where the dope dealers and prostitutes hung out.  I needed some oxycontin and if someone knew where to get it, then it was them.

I quickly assured the prostitute walking that particular corner that I was not a cop, I simply needed some oxycontin.  She took out her cell and made a call.  She gave me directions to a hole in the wall bar just down the street.  When I got there, a guy standing outside told me to follow him to the alley.  I did and there were two other guys back there.  They told me they wanted to have a little fun first.  I saw the bag with the oxycontin pills and I wavered, then I gave in.  Was it rape? Some might say so.  I only know that I did what I would never have comprehended doing for a bunch of pills that night.  On top of that, after being used by all three?  I still had to pay money for the pills.

The next day, I looked at my beautiful daughters.  I knew I could never do that again.  I got online, found an addiction online support group and treatment program near me, and as soon as the girls were out the door to school, I placed a call.