As member of the XY club, I know we do this. Some of us to a greater or lesser degree. I'm not saying it's right or fair, I think it can actually be destructive if other problems are persisting in your marriage.
Before we dive deep into this topic, I want to throw out a disclaimer. I'm only offering a perspective in the midst of a sea of other perspectives that exist. Please only take this as, "Food for thought".
What I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this blog. Giving up XY secrets will condemn me to being shamed by fellow husbands if word got out. At the heart of most caring husband's is the need "to be left alone" or "to not be bothered". This has nothing to do with our you, our beautiful wives personally per se. It has everything to do with how we view our role as providers (regardless if we are actually providing or not). In our brains, we are constantly resolving conflicts, in order to maximize our time spent not being bothered by them. If I can do X for my wife, that will make her happy and then I can do Y without headaches. Seriously, as ridiculous as this sounds it's true.
Now, if you want to get your husband's attention and put an end to your husband ignoring you, here's how. When you find yourself needing to "discuss" something with him; broach the subject by saying: Hey <insert pet name>, I know that you need some down time, but would you mind helping me with: x, y, and z? I want to get this knocked out as quickly as possible so we can continue on with what we were doing. Of course your mileage may vary and certainly you might have to alter your approach depending on the husband in question. If anything it's worth a shot and food for thought. Nevertheless, if you want more support in combatting marriage concerns check out our online marriage support group. There are people in the trenches that can relate to you. Lastly, if you think your husband is an asshole, check out our post about that.