My husband is 50, and was diagnosed a diabetic about 4 years ago. He was prescribed medications that he will not take. From time to time he takes the meds, but mostly he does not stick with it. I buy the groceries, and try to make sure the meals at dinner are appropriate for him, but he eats out for breakfast and lunch, and often, like two to three times a week, sends one of our daughters who drives to pick up ice cream from Sonic or Dairy Queen after dinner. The girls know they shouldn't, but if they say they don't want to go, he goes into a rage.
His mood is always poor. He is grumpy all the time, and he constantly complains about how he feels. He SAID he would at least exercise if I paid gym fees at Planet Fitness. He literally went with me TWO times, and has not been back since May, almost three months. He tells me he is going to eat like he should, and tells me not to buy certain things at the store, and I do as he asks, but then he eats out, drinks 5 and 6 sodas a day, buys food out of the vending machine at work and snacks all night long. My husband has told me since we got together that he only planned to live to 50. When he was about 45 he moved the age to 55. We've been married 21 years, and I am committed to my husband, so leaving isn't an option, but I could really use some guidance in what to do here. We have four daughters, 8, 11, 16 and 18. Our oldest just finished her first year of college and our youngest just finished 2nd grade. I don't want to be alone in raising our children, and I am SOOOO frustrated. His doctor talks very directly to him. He tells him he is going to die if he does not do something, and it works for about a week, and then my husband stops taking his meds again and eats anything and everything he can get his hands on. My husband has also had high blood pressure for about 18 years. He won't take his medicine for that either. He tells me to divorce him if he has a "life altering" stroke, so I won't be "on the hook" for his medical treatment. I thought if we discussed funeral arrangements, that he would seriously think about his choices, but he just told what he wanted. If it sounds like he has given up, it sounds that way to me too when I read this, but I know him so well, and I can honestly say, he isn't depressed.
I feel so helpless. I tell myself that only HE can decide to make the change, but when you are watching someone you love make such poor choices that can and will one day cost my girls and I everything, you cannot help but NEED to try something. So I'm here, begging for any help you all can offer. Thank you so much for your time.